Commuter Chronicles

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Commuter Chronicles September 2006 \| Volume 1 \| Issue 17
9/11 Redux
In this issue: • From the Desk of Dr. M... • Something to Think About • Feature Article • Pass it On... • Health Tips • Cost Cutters • Dr. M Recommends • What's Happening	FROM THE DESK OF DR. M... The theme for this issue is grief and loss. It was prompted by the anniversary of 9/11 which led me to think of how many people grieve, how many are affected by others’ grieving and how many attempt to avoid the whole issue of grieving because it is so uncomfortable. In our feature article, I talk about the “hole in the ground” and why, I think, it is still there. Having been angry with the mayor of New Orleans, the article led me to forgive him for his harsh comment. In the Health section, I describe the stages of grief to remind you that it is a normal process and one that we all will probably go through. The quotes in Something to Think About, were gleaned from the many, many available. They really are something to think about. In Cost Cutter, a break from this difficult topic to relish a cut in price. Check it out. Somewhat difficult to write, I hope you tuck this issue away for a time you might need to refer to it for someone or, I hope not, for yourself. Be well! Dr. M. P.S. Be sure to email us today to request your copy at a special pre-launch discount of 30%! Plus I am offering all my Commuter-Assist members an additional 5% discount. So instead of paying $37.00, you can order it a 35% discount until it is launched. That is a cost of $24.05 to you, a savings of $12.95. Email us today to request your copy at this pre-launch price!
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT Many things have been written about grief and loss. When we are in the midst of it, nothing can allay the feeling. "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." [Psalms 30:5] - Bible "When we suffer anguish we return to early childhood because that is the period in which we first learnt to suffer the experience of total loss. It was more than that. It was the period in which we suffered more total losses than in all the rest of our life put together." ~ John Berger "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." ~From a headstone in Ireland "When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." ~Kahlil Gibran
Commuter-Assist.com and its services are for commuters and all who love them, work with them, and employ them.. PASS IT ON... A couple months ago we started our Pass It On campaign and we asked you to help us get Commuter-Assist.com known to those we serve. We are happy to report that you are hearing our request. We thank you. We are very aware that nothing can happen without you . All are work is for naught without you.	FEATURE ARTICLE 9/11 Redux Another anniversary of 9/11. Five years have past. As I watched the ceremonies on television, I came to realize that, five years later, the pain is still fresh and, for many, as fresh as that day of infamy. This brings, to my mind at least, an answer to Mayor Ray Nagin’s comment-accusation about the slow pace of work on the site of the destruction of the World Trade Center. “You guys in New York can’t get a hole in the ground fixed and it’s five years later,” he said. And my answer to Mayor Nagin is that the mourning continues and that “hole” is a palpable connection to our loved ones and to our lost innocence and we are having difficulty letting go and “moving on.” Repairing that wound would mean that we must leave our brothers and sisters, our husbands and wives, our children and parents, our friends and neighbors and continue with our lives. And we cannot yet bring ourselves to do that. Oh, on the surface we might say it’s the insurance companies that won’t settle, the officials who can’t decide on its use, the architects who can’t come up with an appropriate design, any number of reasons. But looking on this past anniversary, I know that it is the inability to cover over the burial place of so many. “He who suffers, remembers.” I came across this adage when I was in the midst of my own grief and I knew it was true for me and I think for many others. As long as I suffered the grief of loss, I was close to that person. It sounds so sick and maudlin, but there it is and it brings me to the grief I saw this past Monday. I don’t think many fully realized this, as I certainly didn’t until I saw this quote, but live it they did. And, so, that hole in the ground lays open and unfilled. The promise of better times unfulfilled as we suffer and remember. Mayor Nagin’s comment hurt many but we can forgive him because he also suffers and grieves his own great loss. We know, because we are living it, that New Orleans will not be fixed so soon because New Orleanians also will need time to grieve.
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COST CUTTERS Just a note on some good news. The cost of gasoline is coming down. How long or how far is unknown, but enjoy it while it lasts.
HEALTH TIPS Grieving is a process that we will all experience in our lives, if we haven’t already. The loss of someone important to us is life altering. Writing about the anniversary of 9/11 and the public grieving that was seen on television prompts me to write about what grief is and what is the usual grieving process. Grief is a deep mental anguish or sadness over the loss of a loved one or a thing of importance. Many people grieve the loss of their station in life, for example, as when they retire or a child leaves the home. The grieving process will be the same as for a person. Knowing what the typical process is will not lessen the intensity of grieving or shorten the grieving time, but it may help when you feel you are losing your mind to know that others do go through it, as a patient of mine explained some years ago. The steps of grieving are listed here. Some people move through them quickly, others slowly, still others get stuck in one phase and need assistance to continue with the process. There is no time limit and the sense of loss may continue throughout one’s life, depending on the loss. The first stage is denial and disbelief that the death or loss has occurred. Numbness and shock may be felt. These feelings are protective, limiting the individual from feeling the full intensity of the loss. This stage may last minutes to hours to days but finally gives way to stage two. This stage is a period of bargaining, with God, with the self. If only, and what might have been done to prevent the loss, fills one’s thinking. Guilt and sadness leading to disruption in concentration, sleep and appetite may occur. The third stage is an intensifying of those symptoms and a general feeling of depression and depressive symptoms including crying spells, agitation. There is a realization that the loss is real and unchanging. This moves the individual to stage four, that of anger, anger at God, anger at the deceased loved one, anger at life. Often, you’ll hear a grief-stricken person ask, “Why did he go?” “How could she leave me?” Often, too, the angry one will also feel guilt for feeling angry. The fifth and final stage is that of acceptance of the death of the loved one or of the grieved event. Willingly or not, there is a time when one begins to incorporate the loss into one’s life and, cursed words for many, moves on. The depression subsides and the various grieving symptoms do, as well. This does not mean the loss is no longer felt, as many think. The feelings of loss may go on throughout life, but the grieving as described in these stages subsides. Many times those around the grieving person does not understand what is happening. Many times relationships are broken because of this misunderstanding. One man could not understand why his wife was distant and crying after the death of her mother. “It’s been three weeks!” he exclaimed. I hope you never have to go through this, but if you do, remember what it is and take some comfort in the fact that the loss of a great relationship calls for grieving.
WHAT'S HAPPENING Commuters in the Know LIVE! Stay tuned for our next Commuters in the Know LIVE! It will be happening on Thursday, October 5th at 9 PM EST (6 PM PST). Go to www.Commuter-Assist.com/teleconference.htm to register.
Dr. Mastria is founder of Commuter-Assist.com, which publishes e-books, CDs and cassettes to help commuters get the most out of their commute and life in general. Dr. Mastria speaks, offers workshops, and consults to businesses. She also provides life, wellness, and executive and business coaching to groups and individuals. To contact Dr. Mastria email info@Commuter-Assist.com or call 570-839-6394. All content Copyright © 2006, Dr. Marie A. Mastria, CLC, PCC / Commuter-Assist.com. All rights reserved. You may copy or send it to family or friends who may benefit from it so long as the format and credits are intact. You have permission to publish this article electronically, free of charge, as long as the by-lines are included and links are activated and maintained. A courtesy copy of your publication or link to website would be appreciated.
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