|
How to Make Lemonade
No, this isn't a recipe for a drink. It's
a recipe for life.
We all come upon problems, either self-imposed or from elsewhere, often
from the least expected places. Little or big, easily managed or
seemingly devastating, they all can lead to growth and a path to the
good life.
When we're in the midst of the problem, it is not easy to think that
this pain, this sidetrack, can lead to anything that could resemble
good, but even if we can't think that way in the midst of angst, the
outcome can work to our benefit.
How many people will describe a horrible incident that happened to them
years ago and attribute a successful outcome to that incident? Is this
just a nice way to justify the pain and suffering or is this really
true?
No doubt there are lessons to be learned from those hard times, but I
think the key to using them to grow a good life is being able to
consciously learn from them.
For most of us, though, when we're going through a difficult time we are
less than conscious of what is happening and how we are reacting.
Interviews of people who have been involved in car crashes, muggings,
fires and the like, will describe blanking out at crucial times, not
able to remember after a particular point in the incident.
That blanking out, functioning on "automatic pilot," as many say,
happens in all manner of situations, some not as dramatic as a fire or
car crash, but as mundane as an argument with someone.
It is an important survival tactic that helps move us through severe
physical and emotional pain and fear. Without it, we might become
immobilized and unable to save ourselves or help others escape a
tragedy.
We hear stories of heroism and may wonder how that person found the
strength to surmount the catastrophe which confronted him. He will tell
you that he just did it, not thinking of the dire consequences that
could have fallen on him or even of the danger confronting him.
In the recent collapse of the 35W bridge in Minneapolis, a school aide
initiated the rescue of about 50 children from their school bus
precariously lodged against the railing of the fallen bridge. When asked
by a reporter how it is that he did such an heroic thing, he looked
somewhat embarrassed and befuddled. His answer didn't come easily or
smoothly, more of "I just did it" response. He really didn't know.
No doubt he was in that time between consciousness when he responded to
the situation without thought to personal outcome. How he uses this
incident in his life is, of course, yet to be determined. Will he use it
to rise to a level that he probably would not have achieved without this
trauma or will it be the chain around him that keeps him from attaining
what he considers success? We may never know the effect of this major
event on his life, but it will have an effect.
Is there a way to get a positive effect from a trauma, in other words,
to make life's lemonade? There are many studies that show this is not
only a possibility but that it happens frequently. There is even now a
budding branch of psychology, of which I am a student, which studies and
implements techniques that make these positive effects. It is called
positive psychology and is quite different from illness-based psychology
which seeks to find and treat disorders in individuals which make for
long term trauma and problems in living.
The Recipe
1. Feeling the sorrow of a trauma
is normal and natural and part of what is described as the "healing
process." The school aide will feel this, as will those who survived
the catastrophe and those who helped them afterwards. Some try to
deaden the pain of the trauma by using alcohol or drugs,
prescription or illicit, but this will only stall the process, not
bypass it.
2. Some situations will not have great trauma, they will be smaller
problems. All situations will need to be consciously considered if
something useful is to be gotten out of them. That is, we must
determine
(1) what occurred,
(2) why it occurred,
(3) how we handled it to our benefit or detriment,
(4) what we can learn from it that we can use from here on out,
(5) how we can implement what we have learned.
3. The realization that life is
made up of happiness and sorrow is an important defense against the
effects of long term depression and an unhappy life. A patient of
mine told me, years later, that when I first made that statement to
her she thought I might be a bit crazy myself. It was only after
overcoming her own life's difficulties did she understand my
meaning. Life is wonderful, but don't expect an easy ride- you will
be disappointed.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Tribute to the 35W Commuters
As a tribute to the 35W commuters who
lost their lives or were injured in the bridge collapse, I will work
with any commuter who is having difficulty crossing bridges as a result
of what s/he has seen or heard about this catastrophe. This will be pro
bono, that is, there will be no charge. You may make a free will
contribution to charity, if you wish, but without my involvement.
Click here for more details on contributing
Be well,
Dr. M.
|
|
Dr. Mastria is founder of Commuter-Assist.com, which publishes e-books, CDs
and cassettes to help commuters get the most out of their commute and life
in general. Dr. Mastria speaks, offers workshops, and consults to
businesses. She also provides life, wellness, and
executive and business coaching to groups and
individuals. To contact Dr. Mastria email info@Commuter-Assist.com or call 570-839-6394.
All content Copyright © 2007, Dr. Marie A.
Mastria, CLC, PCC / Commuter-Assist.com. All rights reserved. You may
copy or send it to family or friends who may benefit from it so long as
the format and credits are intact. You have permission to publish this
article electronically, free of charge, as long as the by-lines are
included and links are activated and maintained. A courtesy copy of your
publication or link to website would be appreciated. |
